Come As You Are
Galatians 3: 26-29
Good Morning everyone! My name is Hannah Rickertsen, and my pronouns are she/her/hers. I am a senior geology major and Posse Scholar originally from North Hollywood, in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles. I’ve been singing with the Rooke Chapel Vocal Ensemble off and on for a total of 5 semesters out of the 8 that it has existed. In addition to Vocal Ensemble, I also work as assistant general manager at Uptown, where I’ve worked since spring 2017, and undergraduate research student with Dr. Rob Jacob in the geology department since last May, and as the geophysics TA for this spring. Past jobs I’ve had on campus include an Admissions Ambassador (a fancy way of saying tour guide) for the past two summers, a summer RA in 2017, and as a Junior Fellow for the Discovery Residential College in the summer and fall of 2015. Also during the summer of 2015 I worked at the camp organization, Lutheran Retreats, Camps, and Conferences, where I had previously worked in high school. These camp experiences, both as a camper and as a staff member, were really where I connected with my faith. Yeah, my grandfather was a Lutheran pastor, and we all went to church every Sunday, but it was camp which made faith real for me.
One of the reasons I loved camp, and still do, is because of one of the major themes: “come as you are”. The way our camp teaches kids ages 6-12 is what we jokingly call “theology lite”: we don’t get into all the heavy nuanced details, but we do teach the main themes, like the 10 Commandments, the Golden Rule, and “Jesus loves you and everyone, regardless”. For the 12-18 year olds, we do go into some more details and touch on some theological debate, but we teach love first and foremost. We tell them about how God meets everyone where they are, just as they are. They don’t have to dye their hair, or get contacts, have perfectly clear skin, get rid of their braces, or anything like that. They just simply have to be, simply exist, and however they exist, is enough for God. This is then followed by all-camp capture the flag. We focus on the fact that we’re up in the mountains, in nature, in the sunlight, in the dirt, and having fun. Everyone is busy and engaged and doing something: talking about God, singing camp songs, going to worship, going on a hike, having a campfire, doing skits, making friendship bracelets or other arts and crafts, swimming, doing archery. There is no downtime to be tired or homesick or feel alone. It’s a great time, and what we at camp call a “mountain top experience”. This is taken from the story where Jesus is on the mountain top with his disciples and Moses and Elijah appear and God again scares everyone by addressing Jesus as the voice from the clouds. To summarize: a mountain top experience is where you’re happy and you’re spiritually close to God. People chase them, trying to experience them again, or at least replicate previous ones they’ve had. I know I’ve done that. Mountain top experiences are equal parts exciting and terrifying and a overall time of growth. This is also how everyone described going to college to me: “The best four years of your life”. Certainly sounds like a mountain top experience right? And this is what I had expected Bucknell to be.
As a senior with 20 days left as a Bucknell undergrad, I can definitely say Bucknell has not been a mountain top experience for me. It’s been quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve never really felt like I fit in here. I remember the first time I visited campus, which was for Admitted Students Day in 2014. At that point, I had known for 5 months that I would be attending Bucknell, or I would have to say goodbye to a full tuition scholarship at a good school. I remember walking around campus with two of the women in LA Posse 4, who were finishing up their second semester on campus, and instead of being excited, I was filled with a sense of dread. Instead of “Wow, I can see myself here” it was “this is where I’m going to college. Ok then”. That was the first time i had ever seen what i would find out to be the ubiquitous outfit to events requiring fancy dress: khakis with a navy sport coat and whatever “Sperry’s” were. I later learned that they were shoes and not the cousin of Perry the Platypus from the children’s hit TV show Phineas and Ferb. Since then, there’s been more experiences of just not feeling like I had a place. The idea of existing as I was, that I had so long associated with mountain top experiences, like the one I had expected Bucknell to be, was nonexistent.
While I was debating about what to write, Kurt shared with me an adage that I think is pretty neat: “Preach from scars, not wounds”. To be honest, in writing this, most of my Bucknell experience is still awfully fresh wounds, not quite scars. I have quite a few stories, but I also feel like this may not be the time or place. But! My experience at Bucknell has not been all bad. I’m calling it a “valley experience”- like a mountain top one in terms of all of the intensity of the feelings, but rather than feeling happy and supported, it’s been one of hard work: not only on my part, but also those around me. I have found opportunities at Bucknell, such as Rooke Chapel Vocal Ensemble, Uptown, and being a participant in Common Ground, where I have been able to carve out a place for myself. Where I’ve been surrounded by others who might not verbally invite me to come as I am, but those who support me in being who I am. My time at Bucknell has taught me how much this idea means to me, and how to navigate a world who often does not share that same sentiment. I’ve met people who I consider mentors who have purposefully created spaces where people can come as they are. And should someone need something in order to get there, they meet them where they are and offer a helping hand.
In my experience at Bucknell, I feel like this idea of inviting others to join and to come as they are would improve many of the problems that exist on this campus and within this community. The verse from Galatians that we read earlier: “for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” should be what we work toward: where all can come as they are and the earthly labels we give ourselves, that we cling to, no longer have meaning. But, we also do this knowing we are fallible humans, and far from God-like. As we extend this invitation, we cannot turn a blind eye to anyone who may decline the invitation. We need to identify and do what we can to make this invitation accessible to everyone. We need to actively make Bucknell a space where people can come as they are, if they are in a mental space to do so. And if they are not, we must help them, also acknowledging that the best way to help may be to just listen.
I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t have a job yet, I’m not sure where I’m sending my stuff when I have to move off of campus. But I know this is the mentality I am going to try to hold to: to exist as someone that invites others to come as they are, and to meet people where they are.